57. The Family Contact Rebus

We can see the family as a type of group, the collective contact rebus of which exists as a family contact rebus. In addition to the collective contact rebus, there exist contact rebuses for the various relationship patterns within the family, as well as the remaining individual contact rebuses of each family member.

The parents form an important couple contact rebus and also separately employ their own ascribed untransmuted contact rebuses with their child. Both of these untransmuted contact rebuses then form an ascribed untransmuted parental contact rebus, which is the pattern of the parents’ joint approach to their child. In turn, the child starts off with an unequal less transmuted contact rebus directed at each of his parents and their parental contact rebus.

Equal, more or less transmuted contact rebuses exist between siblings as can the ascribed untransmuted and unequal transmuted contact rebus interaction, particularly if there is a large age difference.

One commonly occurring contact rebus in latently motivated families is the parents’ invitation to the motivational worker to assume their parental responsibility. The parent transmits a helplessness contact rebus and acts as if he or she is not very capable. If the motivational worker then assumes this responsibility both emotionally and officially, he will be giving the parent negative feedback (Motivational Work, Part 1: Values and Theory, pages 587 – 598).

Case Study

Thirteen-year-old Klemet has just been involved in a childcare investigation due to his aggressive behavior towards other children and teachers at school. The investigation team has decided that Klemet requires support from his school in the form of extra tuition. It is also important that his home situation improves. One social worker, Frigga, has been assigned the task of supporting the family.

On her first home visit, the parents tell her that they have trouble setting boundaries for their son. He withdraws into solitude and spends several hours a day in front of the computer. Klemet’s parents do not know how they are going to get him to stop this and socialize with the family more. This concerns the social worker and she has a private word with Klemet. He doesn’t talk much and mainly responds to questions by saying he doesn’t know. When Frigga raises the issue of his computer habit, he becomes completely silent.

After her visit, Frigga is all the more concerned and feels helpless. The parents don’t know how to help their son and she hasn’t succeeded in establishing contact with him either. Frigga talks about her dilemma in a supervisory session and learns that she is emotionally and actively assuming the responsibility of the parents instead of giving it back to them.

On her next home visit, she tells the parents that she doesn’t know how to handle Klemet’s computer habit, and stresses that the parents are his custodians and therefore have the sole responsibility of helping their son. Then Frigga questions them as to what measures they are actually taking to handle the situation. It turns out that Klemet’s parents object a few times when he is sitting in front of the computer but otherwise do nothing in particular.

Frigga begins to question them about their reasoning behind doing so, and the parents say they don’t want to object more to avoid his getting angry with them. When the social worker enquires as to why they are worried about their son becoming aggressive, Klemet’s parents say that they do not know. Frigga is also interested to know why they let their son decide for himself when he wants to be at the computer. She discusses the fact that the computer is placed in Klemet’s room and not in a communal area, such as the hallway.

His parents would be better able to control his use of the computer if it was conspicuously positioned. Afterward, Frigga no longer feels helpless and feels that the parents have reassumed responsibility for their son. She also feels she is helping the family more than if she had actively and emotionally taken responsibility for Klemet’s behavior herself.

Frigga pays another home visit. The situation with Klemet is the same but his parents’ attitude has changed and they seem more engaged in their son than before. On Frigga’s fourth home visit, Klemet’s parents have succeeded in limiting their son’s computer usage by setting up a timetable. They feel happier with their efforts and receive praise from the social worker. For her part, she feels positively affirmed for her position of not taking responsibility away from the parents, but also recognizes that their actions are a positive rebound and that they need more motivational work.

Discussion

These parents’ helplessness is a contact rebus. Indirectly, they are asking the social worker what she thinks of their abilities as parents. The more she assumes emotional and active responsibility for their son, the more they will receive negative feedback.

However, she herself becomes increasingly burdened, as she is the person with the least power to change Klemet’s situation given that she has neither parental responsibility nor much of a relationship with him. His parents receive positive affirmation when Frigga returns responsibility. Their self-confidence increases and they allow themselves to set boundaries for their son. Since the social worker sets boundaries for the parents and makes demands on them, they are in turn able to set boundaries for their son.

The family contact rebus is harder to solve because children are often the ones to enter the role of scapegoat. Since children and youths are looking for genuine parental figures, their contact rebuses have a different emotional power than that of adults. Moreover, a child cannot take responsibility for his situation and needs to be protected and cared for.

When a child is a scapegoat, the motivational worker experiences many emotions. The family contact rebus tests whether he will side with the child so much that he adopts a negative attitude to the adults. If this happens, he will not have passed the test and risks assuming their parental responsibility both emotionally and actively.