Having energy to write
Not until now have I had the energy to write a new Book Journey Letter. My original intention was to create a new Letter after I had received an answer from the publishing company, anticipated in the beginning of August, concerning my book proposal (see Book Journey Letter 8). However, life struck me hard.
My Wife Died
In the middle of the night, July 30th, I received a phone call from my wife’s institution. For three years, she had been living there, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Now, a nurse informed me that my wife had just died.
My Love and Life Companion
Since then, my life has not been the same. My wife and I had been a couple for 48 years. She was my love and life companion. Even if she, in her last years, step by step lost her memory and her ability to speak, I always felt a deep connection with her. I could discern her authentic self, hidden behind her symptoms. In this way, we could always share life energy.
Thus, we could communicate with each other. In other words, my wife was still a big part of my life emotionally. Also, on a practical level, she took up a significant part of my life. I visited her four times a week, took her home once a week, and stayed overnight with her at the institution once a week. Before she was institutionalized, I took care of her at home for seven years. To begin with, she had a stroke, and after two years, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
Grief, Emptiness, and Practical Arrangements
Suddenly, all of this was gone. It affected my life in several ways. Firstly, I felt a great pain in my heart at the thought of missing her. Secondly, the life energy I shared with my wife was gone, and I had lost the life assignment of taking care of her. Instead, there was emptiness. Thirdly, many practical missions arose to be completed. Tidying up my wife’s room at the institution, arranging the funeral, contacting family and friends, dealing with life insurance and pension, contacting banks, taking care of my wife’s last will, etc.
All Saints’ Day Gives Energy
It is not until now that I feel the energy to write a Book Journey Letter. Today in Sweden, we celebrate All Saints’ Day. The tradition is to visit the graves of your kinfolk and friends and light a candle in their memory. This afternoon, I went with my family to the cemetery, where my wife is buried. First, we took part in a touching open-air sermon and then put flowers and candles on my wife’s grave. I believe that this action gave me the extra comfort and commitment to begin writing again.
Rejection of Book Proposal
One week before my wife died, I obtained the answer from the publishing company. They wrote laconically that my manuscript did not fit in with their current program and wished me good luck. After receiving this refusal, I did not continue seeking other publishers. As I have already explained, I did not have the commitment or energy to send more book proposals after my wife’s demise.
To Be Turned Down and Lose Energy
There was another reason not to contact new publishing companies. It was not the first time one of my manuscripts had been rejected. My book “Motivational Work 1 – 4” was turned down many times. In the end, I self-published the manuscript on Kindle (Amazon). Now I have experienced being refused once again. It is a tough feeling to digest. You have to fight a sense of hopelessness and doubt, and maybe look forward to another long stretch of being denied publication. In other words, you lose energy.
Motivation and Energy
However, I know you can recover from these disconfirmations. Up til now, I have not had the space and energy to do it because of the grief of my wife. But I have reached a point where I am ready to send more book proposals. In my next Book Journey Letter, I will tell you more about it. Moreover, the ideas in my manuscript have been created together with my wife. Thus, continuing to send book proposals is a way to honor her, and that motivates me even more.
