In the blog, I intend to deepen the understanding of the destructive temporal contact rebus. Like in blogs 94, 95, and 96, I will concentrate on the contact rebuses of dementia patients. In general, there is a significant risk with the destructive temporal contact rebus that you can be burnt out. Therefore, it is always necessary to have a protective suit to stop the drain of energy.
Awareness of the Destructive Temporal Contact Rebus
You must be aware of the temporal contact rebus to complete the shield. You do not meet a single contact rebus with a client. There is a pattern that changes over time according to a particular design. To safeguard yourself, knowing the order of contact rebuses is necessary. According to my clinical experience and as a supervisor, the most significant risk of being burnt out is not seeing the temporal contact rebus.
The Crux of the Destructive Temporal Contact Rebus
Every human being utilizes the temporal contact rebus when stressed, but the outermost challenge is with latently motivated clients, like dementia patients. As I mentioned in my latest blog,96, they need life energy and receive it when they communicate contact rebuses. The latently motivated have a low level of life force because they are in great pain. They want life energy to mitigate their agony.
Destructive Contact Rebuses
Therefore, their contact rebuses are destructive. It is a way to get rid of their torment without having to experience it; in other words a hidden catharsis of the pain. At the same time, the destructiveness makes the contact rebus more demanding for others. You are seen, people react emotionally, the society might contact you (police, hospitals, social institutions, etc.).
The Most Potent Way
The destructive temporal contact rebus is the most potent way of receiving new maximum life energy. The primary mechanism is that the client suddenly shifts contact rebus. Another characteristic is that the new contact rebus’s content is opposite from the earlier one. A common variant is a move from a compliance contact rebus to a destructive one. To clarify the dynamics, here is a case study with a dementia patient.
The Case
We can return to the couple in blog 96; Agatha, 72, has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Her symptoms have aggravated, and she now lives at an institution for dementia patients. For 30 years, she has been married to Jim,75 years old.
Interruption of Contact
Usually, Jim pays a visit to his wife every week. Unfortunately, he is fallen ill with influenza. He has been unable to come to his wife’s institution for two weeks. During his disease, he makes short phone calls to talk to Agatha. Every time she has difficulties understanding who is calling her.
To be on the safe side, he waits another week before he comes to her. He does not want to infect his wife. Upon entering the institution where Agatha lives, he prepares to meet an adverse reaction from his wife. It happens nearly every time he is with her (see blog 96).
Happy to Meet Him
Instead, she seems happy to see him and recognizes him immediately. Moreover, she holds his hand, which is rare. Jim proposes they go to her room and drink coffee, to which she gladly agrees. They sit down, and Jim experiences that Agatha positively listens to him.
He shows the latest pictures of their grandchildren, which she appreciates. Jim is very content and is reassured that they have a good relationship and that Agatha is satisfied with her life at the institution. After one and a half hours, Jim notices that Agatha is tired, and he starts to say farewell.
Dissatisfied
Right away, Agatha changes her attitude. She talks about how her life in the institution is gloomy. Nothing happens. Instead, she wants to travel and have new experiences. No one comes to visit her, and she has no close relationship with her husband. Agatha wishes that Jim takes her with him to live in their apartment.
Husband’s Reaction to the Temporal Contact Rebus
Jim is unprepared for her reaction. After being happy with his wife’s kind reception, he feels lonely and sad. Also, he worries about her life situation and his ability to help her.
Suddenly he sees Agatha’s temporal contact rebus. By first having a compliance contact rebus and then shifting to a negative one, she is testing his engagement for her.
Jim strengthens her positive core if he can still commit to her despite her negative confirmation after at first being positive.
Analysis of the Destructive Temporal Contact Rebus
Craving of Life Energy
Agatha uses contact rebuses. The pain and apprehension are severe in her because of her dementia. At the same time, the brain is damaged. It leads to her having reduced psychic energy to deal with her anguish. In turn, the result is a weakened positive core.
At the same time, she needs to receive life energy to her positive core from others. The dilemma is that Agatha cannot restore the lost life force. When her husband comes, she is insecure, including issues with recognizing him. Moreover, Agatha feels abandoned by him because of his absence.
The Compliance Contact Rebus
Firstly, she does it through her compliance contact rebus by testing how important it is to Jim to hear her saying things he wants to hear compared to empathizing with all her feelings. The overt positive content in Agatha’s compliance contact rebus is only a minor part of her emotions. She unconsciously adapts her communication to what she thinks he wants to hear.
The Negative Contact Rebus
Secondly, Agatha uses the negative contact rebus to transmit life force in another way. This time, she shows discontent with her husband and her life situation. She is testing if Jim still is committed to her, even if she is ungrateful. We discussed the dynamics with the negative contact rebus in the earlier blog, 96.
The Destructive Temporal Contact Rebus
Thirdly, Jim’s wife applies the temporal contact rebus, the most powerful way of getting life energy. Thus, she unconsciously combines the two contact rebuses in a temporal sequence. In the first place, she is friendly and happy to see her husband, and then suddenly, she shifts to being ungrateful and unhappy. (Furthermore, there is another temporal contact rebus at the beginning of the spouses’ meeting. Usually, Agatha’s is negative, but this time she is unexpectedly positive)
The effect of the temporal contact rebus grows stronger the more there is a substantial difference in contents between the two contact rebuses and the more the change is sudden.
A Hole in the Protective Suit
At first, Jim cannot notice the compliance contact rebus. Instead, he believes his wife is happy to see him and in a good mood. His reaction makes him vulnerable to the negative contact rebus that will come. Being unprepared, he already has a hole in his protective suit. Jim feels lonely, sad, and helpless.
The breach arises when he believes Agatha one hundred percent means what she says in her negative rebus. Hence, he continues with the same attitude as the compliance contact rebus and cannot understand the cry for help hidden in Agatha’s overt communication.
Dumping of Pain
As a result, his wife obtains relief by dumping her anxiety and sadness on her husband. If Jim cannot withstand the discarding of emotional debris from Agatha, he carries her pain with him when he leaves. The disadvantage is that her positive core is not strengthened, and she must continuously test. Her backpack of sorrows is filled up every day. Furthermore, there is a risk that Jim will not come to her so often because it is too painful for him.
Repairing the Protective Suit
Eventually, Jim can spot the negative contact rebus. It helps that he has met the rebus many times, but it is much harder to confront it combined with opposite contents. If he can detect the temporal contact rebus, he can give himself a more decisive positive confirmation. By applying a temporal contact rebus, Agatha dares to risk their relationship.
It is a sign of her dependence on her husband. In addition, she shows how she has enjoyed his company. To handle the parting of Jim, she craves more life energy. It is her way of showing how much he means to her.
It helps if Jim sees the compliance contact rebus from the start to handle the temporal contact rebus and repair the protective suit. Moreover, he must interpret the negative contact rebus as a strong indirect positive confirmation. It means that Agatha appreciates him and connects with him. He should be more worried if she is not discontent at the end of their meetings. Furthermore, it comforts Jim that when he shows that he is still committed to her, he gives her life energy, which will strengthen her.
Epilog
Everyday Phenomena
The change between a compliance contact rebus (positive rebound)(Motivational Work: Values and Theory, page 408) and a destructive rebus (negative rebound)(Motivational Work: Values and Theory, page 408) is common. You can experience it, for example, with clients participating in treatment programs, children placed in foster homes, and people in different stressful situations. Moreover, it is a familiar experience when you fall in love. Many parents of teenagers can recognize the dynamics.
The Greatest Challenge is the Destructive Temporal Contact Rebus
It is the same communication pattern for unmotivated (latently motivated) and motivated (manifestly motivated) persons. However, the greatest challenge is with latently motivated clients with destructive rebounds and sudden shifts of rebounds. Here the risk of being burnt out is elevated, and the clients lose an opportunity to be helped. Similarly, helpers miss out on supporting a fellow being.
Contribute to Research
Dementia is a terrible disease, bit by bit, you lose your loved one, and you cannot stop it. I hope you all will contribute to the research on Alzheimer’s dementia.
P.S. Right now, you can get all four books on Motivational Work for free as an e-book if you apply for a Kindle unlimited membership at amazon.com. D.S.
