Blog 77. How to deal with aggression and threats

When I supervised motivation workers this week, I was once again reminded of the risk of being burnt out, especially when you are afraid of your client.

This situation reasonably often appears in my supervision groups. The staff is all the time confronted with very destructive and out-going behavior. If you do not have control over your protection suit, you are drained of your emotional energy, that is your fear is getting increasingly stronger, and you are at the same time more and more paralyzed

Case Study

I especially remember one supervision group I met some years ago. The staff was working at a shelter for drug addicts, alcoholics, and the mentally ill. The institution accommodated clients who were not accepted anywhere else in society.

Almost every afternoon and evening came a former client, Hans 45 years, back to the shelter. Each time, he took command of the day room where the staff and clients spent much time.

He did this by being very aggressive and sometimes indirectly threatening. It was evident that he was, under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Many of the clients avoided being in the day room when he was present. Hans always came at times, when there were only a few staff members on duty.

In the supervision group, the staff complained about the situation with the client. Many of them were afraid of Hans. This fear became stronger each time I supervised.

It did not help that I explained the functions of the aggressive contact rebus and the client’s concealed cry for help. Many of the staff were lax about his destructive behavior. On the other hand, a few wanted to throw him out. In this way, they could not as a group decide what to do.

As a supervisor, I gave positive confirmations back to the staff members to strengthen their positive core by being concerned about them, and transmitting hope, and trust. I told them that the essential professional demand you can put on yourself is to have the courage and self-esteem to admit that you have a hole in your protection suit.

In this case, it meant acknowledging your fear. As a motivational worker, you can never avoid incidences, where you are used as a container for the client’s destructive feelings and anxiety. If you notice them, you can improve your protection and avoid being burnt out. It also makes it possible to continue your motivational work.

As time went by, the staff members felt increasingly helpless and paralyzed. A feeling of hopelessness and desperation spread itself among them. It seemed that the team hoped Hans would stop coming by himself. Instead, the intensity of his behavior became stronger. He appeared to be more and more aggressive and threatening.

It came to a point, where the staff could not continue to escape the situation anymore. Instead, the team had their backs to the wall. Either you conceded, letting Hans run the place, or you tried to set limits.

Ultimately, through discussions in the supervision group, the staff were willing to confront him together. They assembled one afternoon when they were confident that Hans would arrive.

In their confrontation, the staff members set limits on him by telling him that they respected him as a human being and wanted to help him. On the other hand, they did not accept his aggressive and threatening behavior. It was evident that Hans was shocked and did not know what to say.

The staff continued to confront him for almost an hour and wanted to talk to him about his life situation.  They offered to help him contact his social welfare office. After this confrontation, Hans received help from his social worker with indirect support from the staff, and he stopped coming to the shelter. The experience of the group confrontation gave the team renewed self-esteem and their fear diminished.

Discussion

By being more and more scared of the client, the staff developed a negative (demotivational) relationship with the client. Through his aggressiveness and threatening behavior, Hans cried indirectly for help. By only seeing his overt aggressive actions the staff created a hole in their protection suit. Consequently, they were drained of their positive energy by being increasingly fearful.

Unconsciously, Hans wanted that the staff would not to be scared of him but instead would see his outreached hand hidden in “barbed wire”. Because of the staff members’ anxiety, he could not receive a strong positive confirmation from them, which would have strengthened his self-esteem and self-awareness and would also have created a stronger bond between him and the staff.

However, he succeeded in dumping his fear over to the staff, which gave him temporary relief. The drawback with this solution was that he had to repeat the behavior several times each week.

Eventually, the staff could stop their draining, create a positive engagement (motivational relationship) and strengthen Hans’ constructive energy (his positive core). They did this by seeing his indirect cry for help (his contact rebus) and confirming him by being emotionally engaged and taking action (group confrontation and contacting a social worker).

My most important role as a supervisor was to give back positive confirmations. It gave renewed energy to the supervision group, alleviated the draining, and made possible constructive alternatives. In this way, motivational work was able to offer a positive solution for both the client and the staff.