22. Lovers’ Bonding: Finding the Right Partner

The enamoured also test whether or not they have found the right person, someone to enrich their lives and protect them from harm. By virtue of how the indirect gambit is designed, the individual also receives positive affirmation from someone with the very personal traits needed (Motivational Work part 1: Values and Theory, pages 109 – 159).

Aggression

The use of aggression means that the target has no choice but to respond, faced as she is with a challenge in which indifference is not really an option. The tester also places himself in a similar situation, as his display of aggression enables him to engage more deeply in himself.

The young man with the snowball receives answers to several questions with a directness and clarity he would not have been able to obtain in any other way, as the woman cannot help reacting to the snowball that hits her on the head.

Withdrawing Contact

Withdrawal is also a way for an individual to test whether or not he has found the right person. Will the target take up the chase or give in? Does she feel wronged and insecure? In applying this test, he is looking for someone who can take initiatives and who has enough self-assurance to follow the course of her feelings. At the same time, he also hopes to find out if she understands the meaning of the withdrawal and returns his love.

Compliance

Similarly, compliance tests can also be used to ascertain if a person has found the right partner. Meeting someone who appears to share his values and interests invites an emotional reciprocity. He also learns how much the other person is willing to adapt and compromise. In just the same way as the other tests, the target is compelled to make a decision about whether or not she is interested in further contact. The way she reacts to the compliance also reveals something about her true person. At the same time, the compliant tests to see whether the target is interested in the adaptation or the person behind it.

Unconscious Process

The testing process described thus far may seem analytical and calculating. However, the prospective partners are totally unconscious of their actions and simply follow their conscious experiences. The process of deciding whether or not they have found the right person is an intuitive one, and as far as each is concerned, all he or she doing is obeying the dictates of the heart.