Motivational Work

23. Lovers’ Bonding: Building Relationship

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Reducing Distance

Each time the lovers-to-be interact with each other, they receive more answers to their questions. When the contact gambit meets with a positive response, they move that little bit closer to each other and their feelings, and in this way gradually build up a relationship. Each positive response to a test strengthens their mutual bonds and reduces their mutual distance.

Building Relationship

At the same time, they become increasingly open to their own emotional reactions, and it is here where we find another function of the contact rebus: it helps to build a relationship of growing intra and inter-psychic intimacy. The repeated tests gradually raise the tension between the two lovers, who prepare themselves for eventually moving closer to each other and themselves in an overt, open manner. Consequently much emotion has been invested by the time they meet openly and embrace. The period of time before the unveiling takes place differs from case to case. It may happen instantly or relationships can take longer to form, passing first through an unconscious stage and then a bridge-building stage, which at first might not even be recognised as such. (Motivational Work, part 1: Values and Theory, pages 109 – 159).

Hierarchy

Once a relationship has been established on the intra- and interpsychic planes, several more tests follow, with a hierarchy of tests slowly forming as each successive contact rebus follows the solution of the one before. If the lovers are to have the courage to show their feelings overtly and make contact with themselves and others, they might have found it necessary to test each other in several possible ways first.

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