There are two types of contact rebus in the interaction between two people (Motivational Work, Part 1: Values and Theory, page 139 – 159). The enamoured transmits a contact rebus to his love interest. If the love is to be reciprocated, the love interest must respond in kind. He therefore transmits and receives a contact rebus; that which for the one is the transmitted rebus for the other is the received rebus. These two properties carry different functions. The functions of the transmitted rebus are those thus far described for the contact rebus, namely:
* To act as a defense against the pain of an injury at the hands of another
* To act as a channel for the expression of feelings
* To seek out the right partner
* To facilitate a sincere and unambiguous response
* To build, maintain and develop a relationship with another person
Embedded within this last function is also an indirect plan to end the relationship. It is actually the third function (seeking out the right partner) that determines whether the relationship will be developed. This component is present not only during the creation phase but at all times, its function having been explained during the threshold rebus discussion above, and drives the couple to test unrelentingly whether their chosen partner is indeed the right one.
For love to be mutually felt in a relationship, it must be affirmed by the response contact rebus transmitted by the recipient of the precipitant contact rebus. In other words, the response from the person to whom one transmits a rebus must in some way match the transmitted rebus. Each contact rebus is therefore dual-purpose, serving both as a question from the transmitter and a response from the receiver. The functions of the received contact rebus, which is also the mirror image of the transmitted rebus, are as follows:
* To receive emotions and feelings
* To receive a response about the rightness of partner
* To receive a sincere and unambiguous response
* To build, maintain and develop a relationship with another person
Discussion of Case Study “Lovers’ Bonding: A Fairly Tale”
The story of the princess and the peasant boy (see “Blog 25. Lovers’ Bonding: A Fairly Tale)” can serve to illustrate the dual-directional “question and answer” functionality of the contact rebus. When the princess presents the task that the young men have to perform in order to win her love, the functions of the transmitted contact rebus are fulfilled, and she is protected from being openly rejected.
She is able to hide behind the task that she has set, and if a suitor does not want her it will be because he is unable to complete the task, not because she does not attract him as a person. The test is a way for her to indirectly express her yearning for love. In laying the red carpet, the princess sets in motion a process of finding a suitable man.
The suitor must, by virtue of the test he is required to complete, make more of an effort than if he was simply to propose to her: not only must he be at the town square at the right time on the right day, he must also be prepared to perform, in competition with others, under the gaze of the crowd. The carpet test also serves to create and develop a relationship between the princess and the “right” partner, and it is through this initial test that the bridge-building process can begin.
At the same time, the princess’s test is also a response to the suitors. To all of them bar one, her answer implies that her wishes are out of alignment with their transmitted contact rebus, which they base upon the belief that the princess really does means them to ride carefully along the carpet. As for the peasant boy, he receives a response from her that matches his question.
Her contact rebus is a form of protection for him since in ostensibly performing the test he avoids the risk of being openly rejected by her. The way the princess has set up the task allows him to receive her feelings of longing and gives him indirect and subsequently direct confirmation that he has found the right person.
The princess shows him a more sincere and unambiguous response than she could if directly professing her yearning for love. In doing this, she is putting herself in a vulnerable position, and does so in public; she also puts a great deal of energy into the test in its planning and execution. At the same time, her response fulfills the same purpose as before: creating and developing a relationship.
In the same way, the peasant boy’s contact rebus has a transmitted and received function. His transmitted contact rebus gives him protection and is a way for him to express his love. He also uses it to test if the princess is the right woman for him. Further, his contact rebus elicits for him a more sincere and unambiguous answer than if he had directly proposed to her. His conduct enables him to make sure that a relationship is created and developed.
However, his transmitted contact rebus is also the princess’s received contact rebus. She is protected by the fact that he will not openly reject her. She also indirectly receives feelings from him. His way of performing the task gives her a more intense and unambiguous response than if he had proposed directly, while his behavior in the test confirms to the princess that she has found the right partner. Finally, as with the other contact rebuses, it facilitates the creation and development of a relationship.
Sequential Interaction
From this example, we can also see that the transmitted-received function is sequential rather than simultaneous. The partners respond to each other alternately; the princess begins with a request, which doubles as information. In turn, the peasant boy poses a question to the princess while supplying an answer to her previous question. The whole process is an alternating ritual of interaction in which the two sides take turns to ask questions and give replies.