This blog will show the dynamics of the victim’s contact rebus -hopelessness. In the previous blog, 89, we presented the victim role – helplessness.
The victim’s role can have a variety of manifestations. The individual puts himself in a situation in which he is exposed to the destructive behavior of either an aggressor or himself, in which case the destructiveness is indirect.
An essential feature of the contact rebus is that the individual does not feel responsible for the destructiveness he is subjected to, making the construction of this contact rebus complicated. In the victim’s contact rebus – hopelessness, the individual must expose himself to destructiveness while making it appear as though he lacks culpability in the matter.
The Case
Forty-year-old Klas is a refugee and has lived in his new country for two years. He has been in contact with a job center for six months to find work. A social worker at the job center offers him a work placement to obtain a reference to prove his worth – something that is necessary to have a realistic chance of getting a job. Even though Klas has been on numerous courses, he has a very poor command of his new language. In this way, he enters the victim’s contact role.
Open a Restaurant
Klas refuses, claiming it is unnecessary and says he wants to open a restaurant. The social worker helps him calculate the cost, which proves to involve an investment of thousands of dollars – money that Klas says he does not have and does not want to borrow. Finally, he abandons his restaurant plans. Another example of the contact’s rebus.
Unskilled work
Still, Klas refuses to go on work placement but comes up with realistic suggestions for unskilled work that he might be able to seek. Now he starts ringing various employers but is consistently told that the position he is seeking has already been filled.
The social worker suspects that the employers are not interested in employing him when they hear how badly Klas speaks the language. However, the social worker now feels a certain amount of optimism for his client because he seems to be making more realistic plans.
A Cleaning Company
Then Klas returns to the social worker and says he no longer wants to find work but will start a firm – this time a cleaning company. He still does not want to borrow money for his equipment (the victim’s role).
The First Social Worker
Klas’ refusal makes the social worker angry, and he loses the will to help his client, feeling that it would be a relief to be rid of him. He has believed in every one of Klas’s plans throughout the whole process until now and has been disappointed every time.
The social worker has felt increasing hopelessness for each obstacle Klas has put in front of him. Moreover, it has always been challenging to talk to Klas and understand what he is saying because of his poor language skills. That said, the social worker has never thought it necessary to enlist the help of an interpreter.
The Second Social Worker
Klas is appointed a new social worker who has another approach to him. First, he brings in an interpreter. Right away, the social worker confronts his client and says he does not believe his plans. At the same time, the social worker is warmly engaged with Klas and shows that he is worried about how his client denies reality and underestimates himself.
The essence of the victim’s contact rebus – hopelessness
The essence of this contact rebus is that the client behaves in a ‘hopeless’ fashion. The recipient feels that he is going around in circles with no positive change in his situation. Klas increases the pressure of his contact rebus by making it seem as though things will work out ‘this time’.
The behavior exhibited by the testing is openly destructive as the client ruins his chances of obtaining work time and time again. He is also damaging to the social worker because he does not want to accept constructive help and makes promises that he later breaks.
In this way, Klas makes his situation hopeless and portrays himself as a victim. He tries to change his life situation several times but is confronted with different obstacles. According to himself, he has no responsibility for what is happening to him. If you only see the victim’s role, it is easy to begin to feel sorry for him and try to help him harder.
The rationale behind the victim’s role
The rationale behind the client’s behavior is to receive life force. A person that does not feel betrayed by Klas’ failures to carry out his plans and at the same time makes demands on him. Unconsciously, he is looking for a social worker who sees through his unrealistic behavior and, at the same time, still has hope for him.
Hidden within the client is someone with poor self-confidence and a fear of taking responsibility. Meeting someone who understands his lack of faith in himself and positively confronts him strengthens the client’s self-confidence. If Klas is to change his situation constructively, he must feel more assured.
The second alternative for the victim’s contact rebus – hopelessness
If Klas cannot arouse this strongly positive response, he has another alternative.
First, by taking the victim role and acting like a victim, he evades meeting his lack of confidence. Klas is too afraid to put himself in a situation where his capacity to take responsibility is tested. Instead, he ruins his possibilities; by not learning the language properly and not borrowing money.
Second, by enabling the first social worker to feel hopelessness and anger, the client receives some emotional response but much weaker energy. The disadvantage is that Klas must often be given this life force, which cannot change his self-confidence.
Summary
To formulate it once again, a client that communicates the victim’s role is seeking help by being affirmed with commitment as a capable and responsible human being—someone who is not helpless or hopeless.