There is a third kind of client relationship to add to the motivational and demotivational relationships. This third relationship is based on the non-contact rebus. It means that the motivational worker has the converse of a relationship and thus has no feelings for the client (Motivational Work, Part 2, Motivational Relationship, pages 135 – 148).
We can thus say that the motivational relationship has two kinds of the opposite, one in which the content of the relationship is its reverse (i.e., the demotivational relationship) and one in which there are no feelings at all (the non-relationship).
The non-relationship is the negation of a relationship in the same way as the non-contact rebus is related to the contact rebus. This means that the non-relationship as a concept is a prerequisite to a relationship existing in the first place.
On an emotional level, the non-relationship is a negation of the experiences of both the motivational relationship and the demotivational relationship, as is made clear if we juxtapose the three relationships thus:
| The motivational relationship | The demotivational relationship | The non-relationship |
| Commitment
Hope Trust Regard Understanding
Honesty | Hate, indifference
Hopelessness Distrust Disregard Non-understanding
Dishonesty | No commitment, hate, or indifference
No hope, no hopelessness No trust, no distrust No regard, no disregard No understanding, no non-understanding No honesty, no dishonesty |
In the non-relationship, there is no exchange of life energy, and the client’s positive core receives no life force at all. The non-relationship is thus the antithesis of the motivational relationship and the demotivational relationship. Its consequence for the client is that the demotivational process, with nothing to hinder it, continues unabated.
The non-relationship enables the client’s most significant possible destructive development; in this case, the demotivational relationship is more positive. As a result, the client receives life energy (albeit less than in the motivational relationship). On the other hand, the non-relationship is the most potent negative feedback that a client can receive and conveys the message that he is without worth.
At least in the demotivational relationship, there is negative commitment. This means that an aggressor can give his victim weaker negative affirmations than someone who does not see this victim. So what the motivational worker can hope that someone else enters a motivational relationship or a demotivational relationship with the clients with whom he has a non-relationship.
Case Study
Annika, 15, has been in compulsory care for the past two months after being sexually abused by her father. Her mother has known about the abuse but has done nothing to intervene, and the father was reported by an elder sister of 19 after she left home. However, the police investigation has been dropped owing to a lack of evidence.
During her first years at the institution, Annika runs away about once a month back to her parents, upon which the staff normally come and collect her. However, when they see her seductive behavior towards her father, they are convinced that the sexual abuse has not stopped.
They discuss how to deal with the situation and decide not to inform the authorities of their suspicions, as they are worried that they would no longer have charge of Annika and would lose a client. Nor do they make an effort to stop her from escaping. At conferences, the staff usually state that they seem unable to form a relationship with Annika and that she presumably does not want to be at the institution.
Discussion
Although Annika must understand that she will be subjected to fresh abuse each time she goes back home, she still receives more life energy from her abusive father than from the institution’s staff. This is because there is at least some kind of relationship between them, albeit highly destructive. Unfortunately, none of the staff has a relationship with her, so she receives a non-contact rebus from them.
At the same time, her escapes are a destructive contact rebus that involves placing the staff in her mother’s role. What do they do when she indirectly shows them that she is the victim of abuse? Nothing, despite their concerns. In reacting thus, they adopt the same kind of role as Annika’s mother.