Motivational Work

24. Lovers’ Bonding: Succession of Contact Rebuses

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Order of Succession

The contact rebus has a multi-layer structure in which each type of test gradually deepens the relationship. All layers of depth are needed to construct a relationship. One can thus say that the contact rebus is designed in an order of succession. So, for example, the compliance rebus might be followed by the aggression rebus. The interrelationship between the tests can be a complex one, however, and the trajectory of rebus succession need not be linear. In fact, the same kinds of test can recur more than once, each time with a slightly different spin (Motivational Work, part 1: Values and Theory, page 109 – 159.

Building Blocks

This order of succession is based on a series of building blocks, whereby some of the tests form the foundation of the edifice and others the body. To extend the metaphor further, the longest time is spent laying the foundations, and once they are down, the pace of building can increase so that the superstructure itself takes relatively little time to complete. The initial unwitting phase of a relationship is analogous to the laying of a building’s foundations; it takes a long time and produces no visible results. It is only when the storeys are added that things become more obvious.

Building a Skyscraper

At the time of writing, a skyscraper is being built in the author’s hometown. It has a special twisted form and has been designed by the Spanish architect Santiago Calatravas. The building will be 190 meters and 54 storeys tall when completed. The building began in February 2001 with excavation work, and it wasn’t until March 2002 that the 15-meter deep pit was ready. During this entire period, all that could be seen as a wooden screen, behind which nothing much seemed to be happening.

One weekend, from a Friday morning to the following Sunday evening, a mixer truck came and went every four minutes as the builders cast the foundations. The concrete had to be filled constantly so that a solid mass 7 meters thick and 30 meters in diameter could form.

On top of this concrete base, the bottom skeleton of the building was cast from massive concrete pipes, forming a space that houses two basement levels. The work finished in June 2002, and it was not until then, 15 months after the initial excavation had begun, that the structure started to rise above ground level. Work progressed more quickly, with one storey being completed every week, until (after a brief delay) the skeleton of the skyscraper stood ready.

It was then September 2004 and a year before the skyscraper was due to open its doors. So, looking at the timeline of its construction, the skeleton took 27 months to build, its completion another 12 months, and the foundation 15 months; this means that for 28 percent of the time, nothing of the building site could be seen other than the wooden screen.

Unconscious

A fundamental property of the lovers’ contact rebuses is worth repeating: they are not rationally calculated. At first, the enamoured is unaware of what he is doing, and his tests are unconscious. The process then continues without either side being able to explain what is happening, until the relational building programme has progressed so far as to bring about a certain degree of relational salience.

None of the couples described in this chapter have any initial awareness of what they are doing to each other, and as far as they are concerned “things just happen”. Moreover, the awareness process is not necessarily similar for the two, and the one party can become more quickly aware of their blossoming relationship than the other.

Spectators

We can gauge the unconscious quality of two people’s love by studying the reactions of the people around them. It is not uncommon to find that everyone else is able to see their feelings for each other long before they do; and this too provides the dramatic irony of many a film and play. Audiences often understand immediately that the two stars are in love with each other, the tension lying in just how the protagonists will discover this too.

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